As society evolves, it seems like lots of my friends are raising families with two parents who work outside the home. In a lot of ways, that requires unprecedented shifting in the division of workload and responsibilities. And to be honest, sometimes I feel like I’m just hastily running from one thing to the next one. Luckily, I have an employer who recognizes that, in addition to the work I do when I walk through the door of my law firm, I also have to run a household and raise a kind, little human. They recognize that if I’m not taking care of my home and the people in it, I’m not going to do the very best for them, either — and I’m very grateful for that grace and flexibility.

Here are a few hacks (okay, survival tactics) that work for our family (and, I’m sure parents who don’t work outside of the home feel the same pressure, so this isn’t exclusive to working moms):

1. Be gracious with yourself. Sometimes, I don’t respond to text messages from dear friends for days. Sometimes, my two-year-old eats microwavable mac-and-cheese for three consecutive meals. Sometimes, he goes to school in a shirt that is an accidental belly-shirt. And sometimes, I wake up at 3 a.m. in a cold sweat about a deadline I’m sure I’ve blown at work. But you know what? It. Is. Okay. My kid is happy and healthy, and my clients know that I’m doing good work for them. My friends understand that this isn’t the season of life where I’m the world’s greatest friend who organizes meal trains and always remembers their birthdays. But this phase will end, my child will soon sleep through the night and eat a balanced diet, my sink will stop being full of dirty dishes, and I will go back to being a thoughtful member of my friend groups. I swear. 

2. Find your tribe, and utilize them. We are lucky enough to have lots of family in the area to help with the logistics of being a two-working-parents household; but, not everyone has that luxury. Whether it’s grandparents, colleagues, mom-group-friends, or gym friends, find your people and lean on them. Even if they aren’t picking your kids up for daycare or watching your kids while you attend a work Christmas party (thanks, Grandpa and Grandma!), the people who love you can and will certainly be supportive — even if it’s just in the form of listening to you vent and reassuring you that you’re doing a great job. 

3. Take all the shortcuts. Figure out things that make your life easier, and prioritize those things. My husband and I both love to cook, and if left to our own devices, we would both make every meal like it’s our last. During the week, we simply don’t have time for that; so for us, meal delivery service has been a game-changer. Every morning, I would ask my husband what we should make for supper, and his response was, “I don’t know! Whatever sounds good to you!” [insert eye-roll emoji] The convenience of 1) picking out meals a week in advance, instead of the morning of, and 2) having the ingredients delivered to my door has been immensely helpful to our evening routine. We had to shift other things in our monthly budget to pay for that convenience, but it has been well worth it to have one mental “ticker” off of my plate during the week. Whatever the shortcut is that works for your family and makes your life easier, do it and never feel guilty about it. 

4. Save a little energy for your family, too. Some days, I leave for work before my little one is awake, which means my only time with him is the precious two hours between the time that I get home and the time that he goes to bed. That means by the time I see him for the first time, I’ve worked 8+ hours and spent all day dealing with other people and some of the most important things in their lives. I’m mentally and emotionally drained. But, I try really hard not to give my husband and son the depleted version of myself that is often short-tempered and impatient. That isn’t fair to them. If I truly live my life to be my child’s mother, then I need to ensure that he gets the very best of me, not the “leftovers.” I frequently remind myself that I may not be the most engaged, patient, and fun mom on the planet, but I am exactly the mother that my child needs.